8/21/2006

Flakes on a Plane

I had to comment on a couple stories I saw on TV this morning.

One was on The Early Show on CBS, where Harry Smith interviewed a woman who sat several rows in front of John Mark Karr, the sad clown in the never-ending JonBenet Ramsey circus, on his flight back to the US.

(I think Karr's real motive is to finally get his sex-change operation--he's hoping, like foxy Michelle Kosilek, formerly Robert Kosilek, who's serving a life-sentence for killing his wife, that once in prison the taxpayers will foot the bill for it.)

The somehow aptly-named Natasha Fagel (who looked like she'd fenagled her share of bagels), that random passenger who happened to be on the same flight as Karr and looks nothing like a six year old beauty queen (except maybe for the teased hair, rouge, and tiara she was sporting for the interview), says she didn't know who he was until after she deboarded, but when she found out... she was terrified. Sort of retro-terrified, I guess you'd call it.

Could this be any more pathetic? Not only is she retro-terrified, but she is retro-terrified of John Mark Karr. People. Please. Unless you're six, you have nothing to fear.

The other story was on the hipper, always acronymized GMA. They played a YouTube video ("Fireman in a Spin") of a fireman who had climbed into a frontloading clothes drier and had his buddies turn it on.

You couldn't even see what was going on in the video, really, but all four hosts were sitting on their big ugly couch snickering at it, for some reason. I could not for the life of me figure it out. I mean, morning shows are only minimally informative--so it's not like I was expecting hard news during the segment--but this was not even remotely entertaining. I mean, you want to see something really funny? Check out this hilarious YouTube video! Now, that's entertainment!

The funny thing about YouTube is it actually just struck a joint-marketing deal with NBC. According to CNET, "NBC has plans to upload promotional video clips of some of its TV shows, including 'Saturday Night Live' and 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.' The entertainment company, owned by General Electric, will advertise on YouTube and promote the site on some of its TV shows. Financial details were not disclosed."

But thank goodness we can look forward to more quality content like "Man Thinks He's a Cat" and "Fireman in a Spin"! (By the way, only as an afterthought did the giggling hosts at GMA caution, "kids: don't try this at home!"--I see a future tragedy unfolding.)

As for NBC. They couldn't compete with the business class passenger sitting three rows in front of the cross-dressing pedophile, and they certainly could not match a fireman in a drier. In desperation Today did a piece on "female sex-drive," and how it "plummets" after marriage.

Of sex in marriage, one woman said, "after awhile it gets a little boring."

Ladies. I want to clear something up. Just for the record. Guys don't do it because its particularly interesting. I mean, the average duration of coitus is 7.9 minutes with 100 to 500 thrusts per encounter. There's really not much time, what with all that thrusting, to make it all that interesting for you. Sorry. Look at it like this: eight minutes of friction, and you're free for the rest of the day!

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